New York Is Killing Me (Not the Song)

New York is the capital of snakes, I swear.

My excuse this time is that I've been lacking reliable internet for the past few months, which is unfortunate because I could write a book about the craziness that has transpired since I've been in this God-forsaken city. I may even need to create a Landlord Drama and a Subway Diaries series. As I sit here at the Brooklyn College Starbucks, typing this blog post I face the possibility of being kicked out of New York City by Friday...literally.

Let me explain. My internship offered me a part-time job (or so I thought), so I decided to find a new apartment before my "lease" ends on my current place. Well, now they're backtracking and saying they're not sure I'm up to the challenge of the job...especially after I asked for more money. They were supposed to evaluate me after two weeks, but I noticed that no one was saying anything to me and I saw that they were interviewing new people right in front of my face. When I reminded them that it had been two weeks, they simply said we'd discuss it on Monday, leaving the me to suffer all weekend. Job-wise my fate will be decided on Monday.

Unfortunately, to top things off, my "landlord" decided to kick the chick in the other bedroom out of the house by Friday, telling her that her sister and kids were moving into BOTH rooms...I'm assuming that includes my room too. So far she has never confronted me about this. The situation has been especially unfortunate considering the fact that the other chick has a toddler with less than a week to find housing. Even worse, the landlord runs an illegal daycare in the living room, claiming to love children, yet she's willing to kick a young single mother out onto the street who pays her rent on time.

The story isn't all sad though. Hang on.

So yesterday, the other chick (we'll call her Jessy) came up to me asking if I had to leave next week. I replied that I didn't. Then she told me what the "landlord" had done to her and my heart literally dropped. Already, disheartened about my uncertain job situation and Whitney Houston dying, I decided that I must find a way to redeem my weekend: I needed to help her. Since the "landlord" (we'll call her Shanell), lied about having internet connection and Jessy didn't have internet, I immediately grabbed my laptop and ran to Starbucks to create a list of apartments from Craigslist for her.

When I got back and gave my ailing printer a few kicks and printed out the list. I thought I could hear her crying in the next room. Before heading out to meet my friend, I knocked on her door and handed her the list. I felt a little bad because I think I woke her up.

Fastforward to this morning. I get a knock on my door with an excited and smiling Jessy thanking me for the list.

"Ash, Ash, I found a place from your list! I'm moving on Tuesday!"

It was the first time I smiled all weekend. Apparently the room she found was not only close to her job and convenient...the owner of the place was a relative of the father of her child and already knew the little girl. Crazy right?

"Welp, guess I'm stuck here with that shiesty scam artist all by myself then," I replied with a smile.

"Just ignore that bitch."

We both laughed.

So my life here in New York may be in limbo, but I can at least be happy that I helped someone. Hopefully, if things work out, I just move into the other apartment, keep advancing myself and my career and live happily ever after still in New York. We'll see, though. I'll try to keep you posted if I can get internet access. I'll also try to document some more stories from my experiences here.

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New York Is Killing Me (Not the Song)

First Date In Brooklyn

A few weeks ago I went on a date, my first date actually now that I think of it. After reading this, you'll probably see why. Yes, I'm 22 and I've only been on one date and it sucked. Anyway, I joined this online dating site out of desperation, loneliness and boredom. I had (and still have) just one friend in New York, and I'm shy so I figured this would be a viable option for me. I had received messages from quite a few questionable characters which was somewhat flattering, but still depressing. Then, I got a message from this one guy. It took me a couple of days to decide whether or not to respond, but since he could spell, wasn't obese and liked art, I figured I'd give this him a try. His pictures were a little blurry, but I thought I spotted a hint of attractiveness in one of the pictures and in my situation, that was enough.

So homeboy (we'll call him Phil) and I were set to meet up for lunch but it had to be early because he said he had work. I was annoyed because this meant I would have to get ready within the next hour. Then he texted me asking me where I wanted to eat, knowing I was new to the city and didn't know of any places. Again, I was annoyed. Then he asked for my address because he decided he was picking me up on his motor scooter. Now, Mama always told me not to give strange men my address, so I gave him a nearby intersection. I reminded him that that it was raining and about 35 degrees outside, but in his mind, that didn't seem to register as "Oh maybe I shouldn't pick her up on my motor scooter," hence his response: "Yea ur gonna have 2 hold the umbrella wile i ride."

"Guess he can't spell after all," I thought. My annoyance continued to grow.

After waiting out in the rain for about 20 minutes, finally an incredibly small and slow motor scooter puttered up to the corner across the street. "Oh, lord. I guess that's him," I thought. "Thank god I didn't dress nice." I walked up to him and he kinda looked me up and down and smiled. "Well, hop on." Luckily the rain had died down and he seemed nice, so I decided to my put my attitude away for the time being. "Wow, you look even better than the picture," he said as I struggled to secure myself on the back of the bike. Wishing I could say the same I just replied with "Thanks...Glad the rain died down. It would have sucked to be drenched on this bike."
"Oh yeah," he replied, "We're gonna have to ride pretty slow since the streets are wet. I don't want us to get in an accident. So...um, where do you want to eat?"

"I don't know of any places. I just moved here."

After a few minutes of awkward silence, I finally said,"Ok, well just take me to an area with a lot of food places and we can decide once we arrive."

Ignoring my request, he said "Oh yeah, there's this one place near where I live. Do you like Spanish food?"

"I don't know. Never had it."

"You've never had Spanish food? Are there no Spanish people where you're from?"

"Not really."

So we rode around for a while. The bike took some getting used to, especially after almost getting hit by a truck a couple of times and almost hitting a lady.

"I guess the cars don't really like scooters too much."

"No, not really."

As horrible as it sounds, the adventurer in me allowed me to enjoy it somewhat. I loved the breeze in my hair and decided that I needed to get a scooter of my own. I started feeling like I was in the middle of some cute overrated little indie flick.

"So are you always this quiet?"

"Not all the time. I'm trying to get used to being on this scooter."

"Oh, ok. Um, you're really pretty."

"Oh, uh thanks."

Finally we arrived at this little hole-in-the wall place across the street from what looked like the projects. When we walked in it was set up buffet style. All the food looked like different stews and nothing was labeled, so when they asked what I wanted, I basically had to point to whatever looked good and they filled the container.

"So um do you want to eat back at my place?"

Now, in retrospect, a smart female would have said no, but I really didn't want to eat there so I said yes. Mama would've been shaking her head.

"Good 'cause I really don't want to leave my bike next to the projects."

We rode to his apartment which was nearby and to my surprise he took the scooter right on the elevator. He said that since it wasn't a real motorcycle, it was classified as a bike and it could be taken inside. When we walked in, he plugged it into the wall to recharge. In the living room was his sleeping sister on the couch and a crying toddler in a playpin. He was probably kind of embarrassed since I had just finished telling him how much I hated living at a house with a live-in daycare because of the crying kids. We went in his room to eat. The walls were covered in his art, mostly consisting of female nudes and aliens. He took out some DVD's and asked me to choose. He put in the movie and we started to watch as we ate. Suddenly, the movie froze, so he took it out to clean it. It still didn't work, so I chose another film...which didn't work either. After a few more unsuccessful DVD's Ocean's Eleven was the only one that worked. The cat sat between us, creating a comfortable barrier. I was sympathetic and even thought "Hmm, well maybe he'd make a good friend." Conversation picked up and he hadn't mentioned anything about the whole bisexual thing on my profile, so things were okay.

After about 20 minutes into the movie, I guess he began catching feelings because he started rubbing by back and trying to kiss my cheek. "I love your nails. I bet girls would kill to have your nails." I looked down at my chipped nails in confusion as I replied "I guess." After a few other odd compliments for attributes such as my skin (which was broken out and peeling from a tan), my hair (which was a mess) and my bony spine, I began feeling as though I wanted to jump out the window and commit suicide. Then he started rubbing his head against my shoulder and his rough chin hairs were scratching me. Scooting over wasn't really sending the message.

"Uhh could you back up a little."

"Oh sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. Sorry about that."

After a few more minutes he started staring at me. I looked at him and he was smiling with admiration as if he was moving in for a kiss. All I could see were his coke-bottle glasses maginifying his eyes to epic proportions, causing him to resemble an anime character. I tried to smile back, but I knew my face more closely resembled the look I give when someone is wearing a bad lacefront asks me if I like their hair. He attempted kisses a few more times, but I kept my eyes intently on the movie. The rubbing and scooting away continued.

After the film, I quickly proclaimed "Well, I gotta get some laundry done, so I'd better head out."

"Okay, I'll give you a ride home."

As we got downstairs, I recognized a dilemma. "Uh oh, where am I gonna put the food?" Finally, I ended up squeezing the hot container between myself and his back.

"Ya know you're really hard to read. I can't tell if you like me or not."

Caught between being desperate for a friend, but not wanting to sound too interested, I awkwardly replied, "Well we just met. The food was good."

"Great!" he replied a little to eagerly for my comfort. When he dropped me off at the intersection, he gave each other a light hug and then I was left to figure out what store to disappear to since it wasn't my actual address. Since I mentioned I was sick earlier, I decided to run into the Pharmacy.

In the following days he texted me a few times...okay a lot. I guess I was taking too long to respond for his liking and I got the inevitable "do i hv a chance w/ u? r u feelin n e thing 4 me?"

After much thought, but not much insight I replied, "i mean, we just met. i don't even know u that well. we could be friends and still chill i guess."

We set up a time to hang out, but he didn't follow through. I asked him why and he said he forgot and had a prior engagement with family. "R u mad @ me?"

I never replied. I was actually kind of relieved and realized it was probably better I didn't subject myself to anymore torture in the name of making a friend. Maybe it was his vindication, or maybe he was actually telling the truth. Either way, my wishy-washiness along with his sensitivity and thirstiness would have made things end far worse later on. As of now, I'm still single and still only have one friend here, but so far that's working out fine. I still have the online profile, but I think I may fare better meeting someone in person…but who knows? I am pretty desperate.

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First Date In Brooklyn

Occupy Wall Street: The ADD Revolution That Needs Some Ritalin

Back on the 15th, out of curiosity, a friend an I decided to check out Occupy Wall Street's big shebang in Times Square. Although weary of the movement, I sympathized with many of the sediments and decided I should see it for myself. Considering this was more of a rally than a forum, perhaps it wasn’t the best representation of their usual meetings. Either way, I thought this would at least give me a taste.

When my friend and I got there, we were amazed. Times Square was literally flooded with people. While this may sound normal for Times Square, it really wasn’t. You literally couldn’t move. Part of that was thanks to the NYPD who decided that barricading everyone, stopping up the street and blaming it on the protesters was somehow keeping the area in control. I must say, though, it was beautiful to see so many people standing up for what they believed in. I even started thinking “Maybe I wasn’t born in the wrong decade after all.

I couldn’t help but wonder, however, how many of these people were there for the same reason I was...just to see it. I began feeling conflicted because as I looked around people were holding up signs for almost every issue imaginable: racism, the wars, healthcare, government corruption, tending the Fed, etc. Yes, all of these issues are worth fighting for, but I didn’t see a focus. I don’t necessarily believe that a movement should be limited to one issue, but they need to communicate their message better. The problem is, I don’t know if they have one that is straightforward enough. You can have all the passion and dedication in the world, but if you want to open hearts and minds, you have to make sure your supporters are somewhat on the same page. It turned me off a little bit.

To make a long story short, I wasn’t feeling it. It was disappointing because I really wanted to. Maybe it was me being impatient, or maybe I’m not as revolutionary as I thought I was. I do think we’re overdue for some kind of major cultural turnaround, but I don’t know if Occupy Wall Street is it. Maybe its just the beginning. Although I’m not quite down with the movement, I wouldn’t write them off just yet.

Occupy Wall Street: The ADD Revolution That Needs Some Ritalin

Ash In Brooklyn

Hey friend(s). I'm baaaaack.

I know you missed me, whoever, wherever you are. Oh how life has changed. I would have come to you sooner, but my internet connection is crap. First of all, I am no longer in Philadelphia. After I finished classes in August, I was immediately whisked away to NYC thanks to an internship. This is my fourth week here and it's been well...interesting. Due to time and monetary constraints, I am living at a house in Brooklyn with a home daycare in the living room, so every morning I get to wake up to the sound of screams and crying. Good times.

Since I've been here, I've made exactly one friend, thanks to another friend's suggestion. I've also been on an online date which was, again, interesting. The one part of my life that isn't interesting is my internship, interestingly enough. While there, I get frequent urges to jump out the window, only to realize that there is no window; I'm trapped. I get this odd feeling that my resume was far more impressive than I turned out to be as a person (and my resume is almost as thin as I am).

So here I am, this loser intern on a shoestring budget, largely provided by mom and dad (until the internship is over), one friend, babies screaming, the only non-Jamaican for blocks (just a regular ol' African-American), and well, something about the whole thing feels right. I'm supposed to be here and that's comforting for some reason. I'm thankful my family was willing to help me for these next few months and it makes me determined to make this all worth it. Hopefully I'll find enough of myself to stand alone on two feet.

Along with all the regular BS I spew on this blog, I will be documenting some of my adventures...and misadventures. So much craziness has already transpired, so there shouldn't be anymore long hiatuses like this last one, unless the internet completely shuts down and doesn't work again. Keep an eye out. I'm back. Yeah, I'm serious this time.

Ash In Brooklyn

RIP Amy Winehouse

In her honor, here is my favorite Amy song, Love Is A Losing Game:

RIP Amy Winehouse

Help Wanted

Not that you care, but here's an update on my life. I wish I could somehow make this sarcastic and snarky like most of my other posts, but I can't because I'm actually serious...kind of.

Right now I'm interning for an online magazine. It's really fun and the place has a really nice laid-back vibe (just my style). While I enjoy it, it leaves me with little energy for my personal blog, but I'm still trying to keep it up. I'm also getting my final classes out of the way before I graduate in August, but I'm more fearful than excited. I'm applying for jobs and not hearing anything back and I really DO NOT want to have to return home. I guess its the typical story for a college senior these days.

My real intention is to move to NYC, but my ticket would be a decent paying job and that's hard to come by. Maybe I'll just get a retail/food job in downtown Philly, get a cheap apartment and just stay here a little longer. I don't know, everything is up in the air these days.

Its an interesting time, though. Since I'm graduating a semester late, many of my friends/acquaintances have left Philly, so it's kind of lonesome. People are changing, entering and exiting my life. Nothing is certain or permanent anymore. My safety net is wearing thin. My mind is progressing and regressing simultaneously at optimum speed, keeping me in the same tired, confused parameter.

The idea of starting another blog has been brewing in my head, as well. Now I know you're thinking, "But Ash, you barely update this one." but to that I say "Well, this is a personal, semi-anonymous blog and there isn't much I can do with it. Also, most of the time, I'm not sure what to put on it because it has no real focus." I want to come up with something more "official" that I can do something with. I also like to make fun of things, so it will be satirical in some way. This idea has been brewing in my head for a while now, but it needs some steam. If you got any ideas, please feel free to share (though I doubt you will because no one ever comments even though I see I have readers based on my stats. C'mon people don't be shy!)

So yeah, that the present "me" in a nutshell. Nothing special in the grand scheme of things, but astronomical from my own egocentric perspective. Peace.

Help Wanted

Les Twins

I've been seeing videos of these guys here and there for a minute now, and they totally deserve a post. If you aren't already aware of the awesomeness of Les Twins, you're in for a treat. If you already know about them, you're still in for a treat.

Les Twins is an amazing, internationally acclaimed French dance duo of 22 year old identical twins, Larry an Laurent Bourgeois (hence the name, Les Twins).

Les Twins